FROM THE VAULT
After the train wreck that was RAW, I’m hoping this is a little less painful to watch, but considering the last few weeks of trite I don’t have too much faith.
To start off, Steve McMichael shows up at the commentary booth again, which is pretty much the quickest way to make me completely lose interest in your show.
ALEX WRIGHT vs. DISCO INFERNO
Alex Wright is here to curtain jerk again, which reminds me of that Sabu match that didn’t really go anywhere. In fact, Sabu has been completely missing from WCW television since then. Inferno immediately attacks Wright and drops “an elbow right to the top of the chest” according to Eric Bischoff. Continuing this trend of weird match flow, Wright immediately no-sells the elbows and – say it with me now – dives over the top rope to the outside. Inferno botches a belly to belly, which drops Wright right on his face into the top rope.
Following this match, the man who broke Road Warrior Hawk’s arm (according to Eric Bischoff this is a major thing) will face Craig Pittman, part of the most pointless PPV match in the history of WCW at Fall Brawl. Out of nowhere, Wright reverses a running nothing into a backslide for the win. Dude, what drugs are these road agents on? These endings make no sense, the flow is like molasses on crack and there’s a dive over the top rope to the outside spot in every match in the history of Nitro. We get a stupid interview with Hulk Hogan in the back where he challenges the Giant to a Monster Truck Sumo match at Halloween Havoc. No, I’m not kidding.
I like how they included the Macho Man slim jim commercials on the WWE Network tape of this. We get a recap of the incomprehensible screaming match between Savage and Lex Luger last week, as if it was at all important. We get a Savage interview, Luger runs out and we get ANOTHER incomprehensible screaming match. Wonderful! This time, Luger makes a match for next week, the stipulation being that if Luger doesn’t win he’ll leave “the WCW”. If you say so, brother.
So yeah, that’s apparently official now. I don’t know why it took three weeks of pointless pissfights for this to happen, but it finally happened. We have a ridiculously stupid looking promo package for Halloween Havog where Hogan and Giant morph into monster trucks and the entrances for our next match.
KURASAWA vs. CRAIG PITTMAN
Come on guys, we’re going to go from Flair vs. Pillman to this? What the hell happened to the Flair vs. Arn thing that was supposed to happen? Did I miss the memo? To start off the match, we get a suplex on the concrete on the outside, which “splatted like Grandma out of the wheelchair”, according to Mongo. When do they fire this guy and why wasn’t it 2 weeks ago? I mean, dark humor is great and all, but make sure what’s coming out of your stupid looking face makes sense before you say it.
We get the jump over the top to the outside spot because of course we do and Kurasawa goes face first into the apron a few times. Wow, that looked really stiff. A bunch of filler offense leads into the Cross Armbreaker, which…doesn’t lead to anything because Kurasawa immediately gets a hold on the ropes. Okay, that was pointless. Pittman suplexes his way out of a weird armbar and, out of nowhere, Kurasawa reverses into a German Suplex for the win. What is up with these match endings?
We get Mean Gene for an interview with Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman. Okay, can you tell us what in the hell happened to the match that was supposed to happen? Sadly, this is just yet another generic trash-talk the opponent interview. I’m assuming this is supposed to be some weird double turn considering Arn is acting like a twat, which I suppose they pulled off admirably well. On WCW Saturday Night, Johnny B. Badd will get his shot at Sting’s title that he got from his painfully long match at Fall Brawl.
For some reason, we get another recap of the Taskmaster beating up Savage on the beach, which transitions into Taskmaster vs. Savage. Well, okay.
THE TASKMASTER vs. RANDY SAVAGE
McMichael takes a cheap shot at Heenan for no reason, which intensifies my wanting to see Heenan throw him off the stage. I don’t know how you can get worse than Savage’s anti-Heenan commentary on RAW, but this dude has managed it. That’s pretty admirable. Savage jumps over the top rope to the outside to start the match and gets his face smashed into the ringpost by the Zodiac. Hey, uh, ref? You feelin’ alright?
Taskmaster hits some weird strikes on Savage and crotches him on the barricade. I don’t know why they feel the need to go outside the ring and use the environment every single match. It kind of gets old. Either way, Taskmaster gets some generic offense, throws Macho outside the ring about 200,000 times and eventually gets double axe handled off the top rope. Savage throws Taskmaster into the ring, tosses the ref and gets DQed out of nowhere. Post-match, he hits an elbow drop on Zodiac and gets cracked by the Giant.
Some jobbers try to make the save, but to no avail, as they all get chokeslammed. Finally, Luger comes in, and tries to beat down Savage. Unfortunately, Giant ain’t having any of that, and he slams Luger to the ground, much to the chagrin of the Taskmaster. We get another equally stupid Halloween Havoc promo package to lead into the main event.
LEX LUGER vs. MENG
Meng attacks Luger (who’s still on the floor thanks to the Giant) before the bell, and Bischoff tells us that Hogan would be here on Nitro next week. I don’t know why this is a big announcement considering he’s the world champion of the company, but whatever. Meng gives out the most generic offense of all time and locks in the most exciting move in pro wrestling history…a nerve hold. All of the WrestleMania 10 flashbacks this week…damn. Meng hits a generic gutwrench suplex, and for the love of god this should just be a squash match. Seriously, why is Meng getting any offense whatsoever? This should just be Lex caving his skull in and breaking him in half with the torture rack. Nothing more, nothing less. Instead it’s Meng putting on rest holds for 5 minutes, doing knee drops and getting near falls.
Literally, that’s all it is. This is the most boring main event I think I’ve ever seen in my life. Seriously, it’s heinous. It’s like they decided to take the most boring part of a tag match and make it an entire match. Luger does a fake comeback spot, which immediately kills the crowd entirely. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe how quickly the entire building went silent when Meng landed that kick. Meng grabs a spike from his boot, smashes Luger in the throat with it and gets the cover. Great, thank God that’s over.
That was…awful. Both shows were awful, actually. I mean, it’s kind of hard to pick who to give the point to this week. I suppose I’ll give it to RAW because at least RAW didn’t cure my insomnia. Seriously, RAW was a weird show that felt like a house show and Nitro was the most dull thing imaginable. Step it up, guys.
WARSCORE: WCW 2-WWF 2