“Brock Lesnar is without a doubt a huge draw in the sports industry as proven multiple times. It is his life and he is free to make his own choices just as we are obligated not to hold his hand” – Vince McMahon
This week’s edition of Humour News is brought to you by the Brock Lesnar Brand Pregnancy Test: If your sweating, bleeding and urinating then you too are in need of Beast Response
It is the news that has shocked the sporting world and Pro Wrestling Powerhouse and Cool Wrestling News can confirm it as current WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar, who is scheduled to wrestle Roman Reigns for the championship at WrestleMania, has announced that he has resigned from WWE.
Yes this is news that Lesnar, after recent events where Vince McMahon laughed at him for having a bad fall out of his limousine which you can view here http://www.prowrestlingpowerhouse.com/humour-news-brock-lesnarvince-mcmahon-falling-out/, apparently has decided to quit the WWE. Speaking exclusively with PWP Lesnar’s manager Paul Heyman has stated “Brock is a competitor who takes himself very seriously as you can imagine he doesn’t like when people make fun of him” It should be said that Heyman could not stop spitting as he was talking leading me to believe that he gets fatter every single time Tommy Dreamer has sex with ECW’s corpse.
The wrestling and MMA industry have reacted with such predictability in the aftermath of this big news story with both speculating what Lesnar plans to do next. However thanks to some subtle hints from Heyman about him flying away like a “Birdie” we can confirm that Brock Lesnar will now be moving on to playing Golf. Because after all if you can’t deal with people laughing at you for falling on your face or you have some kind of issue with your Penis Size, as Sable told us when she laughed, then surely you can…actually this reporter just lost his thought when he looked into the face of despair that is the dictator Daniel Bryan.
WWE Chairman Vince McMahon, who of course was present at the event that has sparked this chain of events, told Pro Wrestling Powerhouse and Cool Wrestling News “Brock Lesnar is without a doubt a huge draw in the sports industry as proven multiple times. It is his life and he is free to make his own choices just as we are obligated not to hold his hand” So to translate if he wants to play golf then don’t expect any help from WWE they only dish out support to people employed by them.
What are your thoughts on the Resignation of Brock Lesnar? Does Dreamer have an unhealthy obsession with a bankrupt company? How would the Beast do in Golf? And are you still clouded by the Yes Terrorist Movement? Please let us know although…what was that? Oh you mean it’s Resigned as in he’s still there? Um…forget everything you just read.
WWE Raw in a Nutshell 23/3/15
Sting mistook Stephanie for Kimberly, More Intercontinental hijinks, Ryback is still over take you fucking Punk, Yay let’s try to blow Orton and Rollins again on Free TV, Paige gets Wedgie to try and distract me from Nipple Bella, Snoop Dogg adds to his WWE Hall of Fame resume, It’s a mixed race tag because El Torito is a bull and Natalya is a cow I guess, Rusev got the better of John Cena meaning he got buried, I still have no idea who Bray Wyatt is talking about oh WWE you subtle company, Dolph Ziggler wins a match and yet still can’t keep his mouth shut and Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar get into a Tug of War and the only people that care are the people who don’t like Reigns.
That was WWE Raw 23/3/15 AKA it’s almost as if Reigns wanted the belt
Zak Fellows Star of the Week
Simply put the star of the week is YOU. I only say that because there is a very good chance you will never become a star yourself. And when you inevitably inflict self-harm upon yourself for never making something of yourself I will be sitting here smug CONTENT that I have never accomplished anything.