PWP’s Zak Fellows covers the silver anniversary of the grandest stage of them all, WrestleMania 25.
WrestleMania 25, promoted as the 25th Anniversary in order to mark a quarter of a century worth of WrestleMania events, took place on April 5th 2009 from the Reliant Stadium of Houston Texas. It featured such original once in a lifetime showdowns that WrestleMania 25 has since gone down in history…as a bliss poor show. I remembered how much I hated WrestleMania 25 when I first watched it compounded even more by subsequent viewings. It just seemed like such a wasted opportunity of a show in almost all regards.
However…it has been a while since I last saw WrestleMania 25 and who knows maybe I will be able to recognise some positives that I never saw and be able to provide some good for you the readers to check out for yourselves…because I need to tell you what you could, should and would watch apparently you lazy blunts.
Money in the Bank: CM Punk Vs Mark Henry Vs MVP Vs Shelton Benjamin Vs Finlay Vs Kofi Kingston Vs Christian Vs Kane
Not a bad way to start the show as Money in the Bank reliably is with some decent spots mostly from Kofi Kingston before he became known as that one guy who does spots and that somehow validates him through his loss the Plucking loser. But you want to know a little fact about the participants in this Money in the Bank: How many people in this match had already been in one of the four previous Money in the Bank matches at this time? Six! So only TWO of these Mustards had never been in Money in the Bank match before (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY WRESTLEMANIA!)
Sorry if I thought that Money in the Bank should be for new people that can show them off to a new audience how foolishly naïve of me. Anyway the Funking Midget got involved and there was one suspicious spot where Benjamin power bombed MVP to the outside and he landed on Henry, Kingston and Henry’s manager at the time Tony Atlas (What did they have in common at the time? Exactly no World Titles) but the match ended with Punk winning the briefcase for the second year in a row. And that’s the biggest problem I had with this match. In hindsight with his heel turn it worked but at the time people were annoyed that WWE would do something so safe for a guy that had one joke title reign already. So why do it again? Give him ammo so he can say he was held down like the whining little Itch that he was obviously.
Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal (And Kid Rock’s Concert)
Let’s get one thing established: This Kid Rock concert took place half an hour into the show after one match. I highly doubt the Ticks in Houston were that burnt out with the Money in the Bank not when they were booing Punk (and I heard it with my own ears). If it was one song (the theme of that WrestleMania maybe) and it took place at the half way point then I think you could get away with this but really it’s just a massive time sink. A time sink that could be used on those Mae Young skits that WWE gets such orgasmic joy out of…at least the audience can reacgt with disgust as opposed to the silence that Kid Rock got.
As for the Battle Royal for much of the Hit that people give WWE nowadays as to how they book their women this was in my opinion a lot worse. All of those Gores made their entrance during Kid Rock’s song, no name graphics, no announcements of who was there including for returning women like Sunny and Molly Holly (You didn’t know they were there), fighting over a sash and crown that hasn’t appeared since as opposed to…you know the TIT..les and the entire division was used as a joke for a comedy wrestler. Granted said Comedy Wrestler was funny with Santina Marella as his stuff normally is but that at the cost of the women’s division (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY WRESTLEMANIA!)
3 on 1 Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho Vs Jimmy Snuka, Roddy Piper & Ricky Steamboat
This match served multiple purposes: Getting Jericho on the show because he was on a roll with his heel run in one of the few times I actually found him interesting (Go to Bell all you people who disagree), Plugging the Wrestler which in hindsight ain’t the most flattering wrestling related piece of work that could be promoted what with all the drugs, violence and family abandonment (Although if you do confuse Randy the Ram with another wrestler you wouldn’t be far off) and in retrospect giving some spotlight to a recent WWE Hall of Famer.
The match itself was ok as the build had some good heat and drama behind it but it started to really pick up once the dead weight (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY WRESTLEMANIA) in Piper and Snuka were gone and Steamboat was left alone with Jericho. Steamboat, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame the night before, did really well having kept himself in shape despite being retired since 1994 and pulling off all his old moves like nothing and Jericho definitely helped him look good. Steamboat’s performance was so well received that he wrestled the next night on Raw AND at the next PPV in a one on one match with Jericho.
The aftermath of the match involving Mickey Rourke was a bit Anti Climatic in my opinion: Just one punch, even if he is a former boxer, and Jericho is down like getting kicked, chopped, punched and slammed by actual wrestlers was no problem. But I guess Actor > Wrestler hence why Rock is the smartest Ducker in history.
Extreme Rules Match: Jeff Hardy Vs Matt Hardy
But you may also call it a “Use as many weapons as possible like a backyard wrestling federation” match. The build just seems weird that Matt would use numerous accidents both real life and storyline of Jeff and suggest that he was behind them. Ignoring that that would probably be decent grounds for somebody to arrest him for burning down his brother’s trailer…I mean house (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY WRESTLEMANIA!) I just hate because it was a Swerve for the sake of a Swerve…then again probably would have made even less sense if Christian was doing all this Zap.
The match was really about doing as many spots as possible and as cool as they were like with the Table Sandwich Spot and the Twist of Fate with the chair that Matt used to get the win it just seemed like less of a bitter sibling feud that it was hyped up as and more like just two people having a backyard match. It wouldn’t get any better from there with their next match being a Stretcher match so honestly I would have preferred it, even though it’s easy to say in hindsight, that this was one and done and Jeff wins.
He was going to be challenging for the title after anyway as the Face of Smackdown so really might as well have him win and look as strong as he can…as strong as someone looking like the Mona Lisa puked on him can look anyway. You know how you can tell Matt was the heel in this match? He was wearing actual wrestling gear…truly a betrayal of the dirt bag Hardy look the Desperate for attention Punt.
Intercontinental Championship: JBL (c) Vs Rey Mysterio
This was actually the first Intercontinental Championship Match on WrestleMania since 18. Remember when WWE would actually care about that belt and some of the greatest matches in the company’s history were over it? Well…21 seconds and just to serve the purpose of putting it on Mysterio who would of course go on to have great matches with Jericho and Dolph Ziggler in the Summer before he would be a Mexican and refuse to drop something to an American the slimy little Zit.
I suppose it would be worth mentioning that this was the last match JBL has had to this day in 2015. Oh and Rey Mysterio dressed up like the Joker from Dark Knight…JR’s comment about Mysterio and Heath Ledger (“I think’s Mysterio’s career is alive and well King”) can be applied to many people which is why I hope somebody says it every WrestleMania from now on or maybe that’s just the Hunt in me thinking out loud (HAPPY ANNIVERSAY WRESTLEMANIA!)
The Undertaker Vs Shawn Michaels
This match deserves special mention not just because of how good it is but for it being the first of the Quadrilogy of great WrestleMania matches with two out of the 5 Kliq members. I remember people were really looking forward to this match because of how good the build was and that the two hadn’t faced each other in years. The entrances were awesome and made it feel like a main event even if that oh so subtle quality to it was so subtle it didn’t seem like WWE was screaming at you “HE LIGHT HE DARKNESS!”
As for the match it definitely lived up to people’s expectations helped by the crowd at the Reliant Stadium being really into it and the near falls that the two men would come up.
Undertaker’s dive to the outside where he looked like he almost went full on Looney Tunes and landed head first with his legs sticking out (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY WRESTLEMANIA!) was kind of scary to watch but it didn’t take away from the overall performance. That said while this match is good I have my own reasons as to why I prefer their rematch the next year (the Story and Drama) but as a straight up Wrestling match with little storyline integrated into it it was great. ONE OF not THE best match in WrestleMania.
Cameraman that Undertaker dived into was also Sim Snuka…maybe he was going to do a Hogan/Yokozuna from King of the Ring and try and cost Undertaker the match as Family Revenge.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (c) Vs the Big Show Vs John Cena
Build of this match was kind of backward: If you’re going to have Big Show and Edge gang up and try to take down Cena while at the same time trying to get with Vickie Guerrero wouldn’t it make more sense if Cena was the champion and whoever gets it off him gets Vickie? Cena’s entrance was cool with the Cena Army I guess although it does prove my theory that Cena is such a draw that WWE has resorted to cloning him for the future. (HAPPY BIRTH AND ANNIVERSARY WRESTLEMANIA & CENA .16!)
There was nothing inherently wrong with the Triple Threat (The Finish with the Double AA attempt was really cool) it’s just that there are plenty of better matches that all of the participants have had with each other (Including the next month with Cena/Edge Last Man Standing). A highlight for me was seeing Cena pose in front of some of the Anti Cena fans with the belt and a Clit Eating (That still sounds bad) smile.
Anytime he embraces that side that hates his guts is always good for him. It should be said that for as much complaint of the crowd being dead after Taker/Michaels people were still reacting to John Cena more than any other so deal with that you lucking mastered.
WWE Championship: Triple H (c) Vs Randy Orton
Wow…first of all the build-up package was better than watching this Fit unfold on a weekly basis. Going back to Matt Hardy not getting put in prison only in WWE can someone admit to faking a mental illness so he can get away with attacking their bosses and not get tackled and handcuffed (The victim was the one who got handcuffed in this feud too). Actually why is it ok for Austin to attack the McMahon’s and not Orton? And why don’t they…I don’t know FIRE him I mean Orton isn’t a draw compared to Austin. (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY WRESTLEMANIA!)
Whatever…this match was pretty much the worst possible thing it could have been and that’s boring. With Taker/Michaels, John Cena winning the other World Title and Stone Cold going into the Hall of Fame the crowd was given very little reason to care about this match or this feud and with the DQ or Count out and you lose the title stipulation it meant that they couldn’t go to the lengths you would want in a feud built up in this manner.
The match could have been saved if Orton had won, even if it was a heel winning in the main event, but that was kind of denied. The worst possible part was the ending: Triple H hit Orton with a sledgehammer after Orton got barely any offence, beat him up for a good minute, and hits the Pedigree for the win.
WrestleMania 25 saw firsts and lasts: It was the first WrestleMania appearances of Kofi Kingston and numerous women in the Battle Royal; it was the last WrestleMania appearances of Finlay, Jeff Hardy, Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat and JBL. And since it happened in 2009 it featured the appearances of Eight WWE Hall of Famers.
Overall though WrestleMania 25 is a pretty poor show. It is saved from being an absolute disaster by Undertaker/Michaels and while some of the matches aren’t absolutely terrible, except for Triple H/Orton, they suffer from the problem of having far superior efforts that occurred both before and after that making it pointless to even bother with the ones that occurred at this show. And that’s really the big problem that this WrestleMania suffered from: It was safe.
Just so many matches, moments and decisions done already with little to no risk taken. If you’re going to watch anything from WrestleMania 25 it’s going to be the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels match and even that in my opinion was done even better the next year…so to sum up this Yucking piece of Tit and can go to Tell, Take a Scrap, Be a Hitch and go eat a Lick.
[Zak Fellows encourages everybody to challenge themselves]
Oh well can’t all be hits, I guess.
